Twenty-five years ago, a man left for foreign shores The strain and worry of it all brought me to my knees with illness.

Good day. I long hesitated over whether to share my tale, fearing it might weigh heavy on those who read it. Perhaps someone will see themselves in these words, while another might sidestep the very mistakes I made.

I wish to remain unnamed, yet I crave anothers counseljust a different perspective.

I married for love
I was young when I fell for him, barely eighteen, while he was two-and-twenty. Ours was a great and tender love, brimming with trust. We believed no hardship could break us, that nothing would matter so long as we were together.

A year after our wedding, our son was born. I was happy then though, as it turned out, not for long. Hard times followed. Money grew scarcemy wages were meagre, his earnings barely covered the bills. We lived modestly, like many families, yet my husband thought it wasnt enough.

«Ill go abroad,» he said one day. «Wages are better there. Well live well.»

I begged him not to go. I swore wed manage, that others endured worse by staying together. He wouldnt listen.

And so I was left alone with our child.

Years passed.

I hoped hed return, but he wouldnt. He claimed there was more money to be made overseas, that just a little longer would set us right.

I pleaded with him to stay. By then, I had work. My parents helped with our boy. We couldve lived as others did But he refused.

With one child already, I longed for anotherdreamed of a full home. Yet he said:

«Theres no money. Feeding one is hard enough as it is.»

But even with just the one, he wouldnt stay. Hed visit for a week or two, then leave again.

I raised our son aloneattended parents evenings, sat by his bedside through fevers. I never told my husband when the boy fell ill, not wishing to trouble him and he never asked.

Still, he did not return
Had he earned a fortune, had we lived in luxury, I mightve said, «It was worth it.» But no. We scarcely had enough for an ordinary life.

Yet loans piled upfor the roof, the car, the washing machine. Like anyone else.

Time and again, I tried to explainmoney wasnt everything, our son needed his father, I was weary He wouldnt listen.

He lived there. We lived here.

Years rolled on.

Twenty-five years passed.

He came back.

Not with savings, but debts.

I sold my grandmothers cottage to settle what I could. He thanked me, swore he loved me, promised wed be together at last.

But at what cost?

Too late
One might think Id found my long-awaited harbourmy husband home at last, no more wandering, no drink, no straying. One might think Id rejoice.

Yet suddenly, I found I could scarcely breathe in that house.

To keep the peace, I had to forsake myself.

I stopped seeing friendshe disliked them. «Ive no friends,» hed say, «so why should you?» He never forbade it, but his glances killed any urge to step out.

I stopped dressing well. He hated bright clothes, makeup, high heels. Said they didnt suit a woman our age.

I stopped laughing, stopped telling jokes, stopped dreaming.

I lived. Worked. Tidied. Cooked. Slept.

Once or twice a year, wed take a holiday. Just us two. No friends, no company. He didnt care for it.

And I endured it all. Every bit.

But my body gave way
The grind, the constant strain, the loneliness crushed me.

I fell ill.

The diagnosis was grim. Cancer.

My world shattered in an instant.

I dont know how much time I have left.

But I know this: if I could turn back the clock, Id never have lived this way.

Id never have let myself fade into shadow.
Id never have let my husband rule my life.
Id never have sacrificed myself for the illusion of family.

Now its too late.

My son is grown, with a life of his own. My parents are old, and I tend to them as best I can.

As for my husband He says he loves me. That hell stand by me.

But my heart no longer stirs at those words.

I didnt live as I wished.

I was a faithful wife. Patient. Gentle. I waited. I loved.

And he He simply lived as he pleased.

If I could return to the past
Id choose myself.

Now, all I can say is this: dont live as I did.

Dont put yourself last.

Dont lose yourself for a love that doesnt make you happy.

Lifes too short for waiting.